During your divorce

During your divorce, your middle name is Gandhi. She knows if she can upset you enough to yell or hit, she will get everything she wants, forever. Don't fall for it. Keep your cool and remember that in then end, you will win. You may win or lose today's battle, but you want to win the war, divorce is war.

Keep records of every phone call, and every meeting, court date, child exchange, run-in at the grocery store you have, it may matter later in a way you don't yet know about. I would advise using your cell phone for every contact with her, that way you have a reliable record you can access online or on your phone bill.

Be early for every court date. Dress well, but not overly well. If you are a CEO, wear a suit, if you are a mechanic, wear nice pants with a formal shirt. If there are kids involved, I would fill out a custody agreement you can live with and bring it with you to court. Ask the judge to consider it, if they feel it is acceptable, the judge may just sign it so they don't have to write another one. Your proposal would then become the judges order. It is well worth your time to take this step.

Remember details but act confident in court. Don't ever contradict yourself or change your story. It is imperative you tell the entire truth every time, because the court will remember what you say and use it against you. The smallest detail could get you labeled as "a liar."

Be willing to work with your wife when it comes to settling your case. Stand your ground, but entertain offers from her, this will show the court you care about settling the case quickly; that being said, NEVER compromise or settle for what you don't think is fair.

Be prepared for your divorce to take a while, like a span of many months. Also, be ready for the judge to refer your case to mediation if there are children involved. This is normal if you do not agree on custody. The mediator's job is to create a neutral enviroment for you and your soon-to-be ex to discuss your situation and work out a deal. I have never known a case where this happens, but supposedly it does happen some of the time.

For most cases, the mediator listens to your case and makes a reccomendation. The judge can then either accept or refuse that reccomendation, but they almost always accept it, most likely if only to make the mediator feel valuable. You may get to speak with the mediator briefly during your initial court hearing, but you will still be required to visit their office at a later date unless you and your soon-to-be ex can agree on everything. Just be respectful to the mediator and remember they have been trained to detect lies. They do pull quite a bit of weight with some judges so DO NOT discount them. Dress well, and defend your case as though you were in court.

It would be very helpful to fill out a custody agreement you can live with and bring it with you similar to what you would do in court outlined above. This time though, you can show it to your soon-to-be ex, they may say ok. Even if they don't, you can always give it to the mediator; if they feel it is acceptable they may just sign it so they don't have to write another one. Your proposal would then become the mediators reccomendation, and the judge will probobly sign it. It is well worth your time to take this step. Keep in mind though, that if your soon-to-be ex doesn't agree with it, she can request a trial.

If your case goes to trial, bring all your evidence with you and remain calm. Bring an itemized list of what topics you want to touch on and keep that list in front of you. Remember to touch on each topic on the paper, it is very easy to forget points when you are in front of the judge. Try to stick with topics that you have solid evidence, or your ex has admitted to, stay away from hearsay, or anything the judge will not believe, this will only make you lose credibility.

Divorce Facts:

The average divorce costs over $10,000.

Attorney's get paid before they do any work! What is their motivation to do a good job?

You CAN win your divorce.

Your spouse may be planning a divorce behind your back.